What I Learned from Karaoke Culture

Well, I just accidentally admitted to about half of you on Facebook that I believe myself to be a shitty writer. Yikes. That just kinda slipped out. Shitty is a harsh word...but I have always been my own worst critic. For those of you who write, make music, paint, act...I am sure you know what that is like, right? Right?? Surely, I am not the only one who puts something out there and then cringes, waiting for the rotten tomatoes to just come flying through the air. I debated for ages about this blog because I knew, KNEW, that I would put pressure on myself to be brilliant...and that isn't even what this is all about. I just wanna...you know...keep in touch with y'all and have a little fun. But the minute I hit "publish post" and reread what I've written, I think, "Oh, ick. I hate that."

Anyway, this is not a call for compliments or reassurances of the contrary. I am just being honest. I love to write and feel comfortable writing for audiences of one. But just as loving animals doesn't make me good with them, loving to write doesn't make me good at that either. It's just something I continue to DO, like all amateur artists feel they must DO, i think, regardless of the risk of seeming ridiculous.

I have a lot of good friends who are AMAZING writers. They make me weep and laugh out loud--all in the space of a paragraph. Before I met them, I fancied myself a Writer. I wrote stories all through grade school and won creative writing competitions every year. I think my mother still has those stories in a box somewhere. My Young Authors Seminar award-winning tales include:

"The Old Man" (psychological thriller)
"My Trip to Dozax" (science-fiction), and
"Unicorns" (porn).

After I moved out of my small town and started to meet truly talented writers, I think I felt this quiet acceptance...I am not a Writer, I told myself. I am a writer. It was disheartening, but a bit of a relief. No more pressure. lt's just something I do now, and continue to do, even if I feel ridiculous.

(Just kidding about the porn, by the way. You know I was kidding, right?)

I remember taking a poetry class with some of these writer friends in college. They were incredibly talented, even back then. We had to read our poetry in front of the class every week, and listening to them, I was just in awe of how well their words FIT. How their writing could make me feel. I also vividly remember the collective impact particularly "bad" poetry would have on the class. Like the time Miss Emo got up and passionately read,

"EMPTY.
My heart is EMPTY.
You make me empty, empty,
empty, empty
empty empty
empty..."

You could see everyone shudder as a wave of silent, suppressed groans passed through the classroom and people ducked their heads down to keep from meeting her eyes. As I also cringed inwardly and bit the sides of my cheeks raw, I slowly started to recognize a terrifying awareness spreading through my entire being.

Is that ME?

I never stopped writing stories, but I stopped sharing them. I traded in my pen and paper for a guitar, and then spent the next decade writing songs and trying to get the balls to sing in front of people. Like writing, I loved singing and songwriting too...but convinced of my meager skills, I felt that performing in front of others would be like subjecting them to my own version of "EMPTY...empty, empty, empty, empty." I also was firmly convinced that in America, there is an Unspoken Rule for musicians. This Unspoken Rule is the attitude that if you aren't any good, then you have no right to be up there on a stage. People may argue this with me, but I hear this sentiment echoed in the countless critical thoughts people express when they go see live music. It's the equivalent of seeing a couple in love, kissing in public and then shouting at them, "Get a room!" God forbid, if someone dares get on a stage in America and suck, you know there will be plenty of people thinking that they should just save it for the shower, dude. Do it at home, for pity's sake, don't make US listen to that crap. I've seen people openly roll their eyes and snort when someone was playing. I have even seen a woman UNPLUG A MAN'S BASS while he was performing because she wanted the bar's DJ to play dance music instead.

So, yeah. SCARY.

I did manage to be brave enough to perform a few times though, all the while bracing myself for--gosh, not even blatant disapproval, but even thought of cool indifference terrified me. Funnily enough, audiences were actually quite nice and supportive. Still, I couldn't stop comparing myself to people who were so much more skilled and thinking...they deserve this, not me.

Then I moved to Japan.

The Japanese, as we all know, gave karaoke its name. It is one of the main things to do in Japan when you want to go out and have a good time. People sing karaoke with their friends, their families, their coworkers... it is enjoyed by all, young and old. I LOVE karaoke. Loooove it and miss it. There's nothing better after a stressful work week than singing your heart out and dancing the night away with your friends. I've helped many a karaoke virgin discover its appeal once coming to Japan. A lot of foreigners swear they won't sing and by the end of the night they are on top of the tables, wailing away.

It is no wonder that karaoke is so much bigger in Japan than in the States. In Japan, the culture of live music is palpably different--at least to me. No one feels you have to be skilled or talented to be on stage at all. Everyone loves music for the pure delight of sharing that enjoyment with others--that is all that is required. It is amazing how many Japanese people cannot hold a note, or are blissfully unaware that their voices crack or wobble off key. They all take over that karaoke mic and sing with gusto and complete unself-consciousness. Everyone listening laughs and applauds and shrieks with appreciation. There is no "bad" or "good"--only a rollicking good time.

I loved this aspect of it immediately. What a lovely thing it is--karaoke culture! To enjoy music without judgment! I can sing REO Speedwagon with no shame! I can even get up and belt out gansta rap and know some Japanese friend will be right behind me on the tambourine! And it was in this culture that I started to feel a bit braver about performing in public. I started playing at open mic nights with other musicians who played the same three songs, the SAME THREE SONGS, for YEARS. There were those guitarists, too, who seemed to know only three chords and wrote all their songs around those. No one in the Japanese audience uttered a word of complaint. They were always clapping, smiling, loving the music.

One might argue that this complete lack of criticism is the reason J-pop is what it is today.

But who cares? No one cares in Japan. And dammit, the freedom from judgment is liberating. I have started to try and apply that to my own thoughts, my own music, and finally, my own writing. Bad? Good? Who cares? Just have a fucking good time.

It's not easy to shake my personal critic, but I try to be more careful these days about being critical of others. It's a start. I mean, good for Miss Emo getting up there with her poetry! Yay! I am sure, CERTAIN, that someone in that class was listening and not rolling their eyes, after all. And hooray to all the people out there courageous enough to share what they create!! Yay!!! Listen to me, shakin' my tambourine for you!

Anyway, that's all on my thoughts about that. Will write more updates on New Zealand life again tomorrow.